Speech Therapy

Alice is starting speech therapy classes this Wednesday, September 11. This came after her June 10 speech evaluation when we were told that she would more than likely be able to receive free speech therapy through California's public school system. We met with the two speech therapists last Wednesday, September 4, to go over her evaluation from June and learned that Alice was put in the highest of the four need-based categories: Profound. She qualifies for 45 minutes of therapy, one day a week for the next year, when she'll be re-evaluated. The therapist walking us through all the paperwork smiled and said "So, it's good that you brought her when you did!"

But I have to admit, that hopeful, look-on-the-bright-side attitude which she demonstrated was quite far from my thoughts at that moment. Inside my head looked a little more like...

"Is she going to be scarred for life? Why didn't I bring her in sooner? I've failed as a mother and she's only three! "

Andrew & I didn't get a chance to regroup after the meeting as he had to get to work, but his first reaction (as I found out when we talked that evening) was more like "There's nothing wrong with my daughter!"

Since then I've had more time to think and pray. This past week has been one of intense blessing as I've wrestled with the feelings mentioned above while noticing more than ever how quickly she's learning and growing. For example, she's really loving drawing and writing, especially her name. If you haven't seen it on Facebook, here's the picture I posted of Alice writing her name all by herself.

In addition to all this I've been reading a book called Give Them Grace: Dazzling your Kids with the Love of Jesus by by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick & Jessica Thompson. I've mentioned it before and, yes, I'm still reading it because I don't want to forget anything I'm reading in it! They talk about watching your kids to notice areas of strength and weakness in order to help them learn how to use their strengths well and improve in weak areas. I don't do justice to the wisdom they share, but it's got me thinking more along the lines of noticing things my girls do well and encouraging them. My tendency is to look at the weaknesses and blame myself for failing my children, rather than seeing that God has created them with exactly the strengths and weaknesses that He planned for them.

Also, it's really hard being a parent. Duh. But seriously, she's three years old and I really think I should be able to keep her "safe and warm" in my little bubble of mom-protection. God is teaching me that I can't fix everything for her, no matter how much I think I should be able to. Not to mention the fact that my "mom bubble" is only in my head. She's in God's hands and has been from the day she was just a tiny little embryo, even before that! God has entrusted her to Andrew and me and we are responsible for how we raise her and how we demonstrate the gospel to her. But it feels easier to think I can take care of her rather than trusting God to protect her or allow trials in her life that are exactly what He planned for her. I can't help but think of Job's response to his wife's lack of faith when they have experienced so much loss.

"But he said to her, 'You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?'" Job 2:10

This is not to say that I think Alice's need for speech therapy to be something "evil," but it does remind me that God is not surprised at her need. In fact, He has even blessed us with the opportunity to get free speech therapy for her.

So, perhaps, this is my first opportunity to learn that I can't keep my children from experiencing difficult things in life. Just think of what we have in store! Actually, I'd rather not. I'll just take one day at a time.

New Videos!

If you're on Facebook, you've already seen all the videos I linked to on the right sidebar. But, hey, I just watched them all again :-)

Also, I've just added a way for our blog readers to find my Instagram pictures (which doesn't make much difference to Facebook users, but I know there are some out there who will enjoy this)! The only kind of bummer is that you have to make your own Instagram account and then "follow" me. Hopefully it's not super annoying.

Sorry for the ridiculously short post after two months of silence. Summer is busy. This week is VBS at church. Last week Andrew was gone at camp with our high schoolers and I went up to visit the Santa Clarita Gilmores. In two weeks he's gone again to Mexico. So, summer is busy and I need to get to bed!

We Went to Israel

There's really no way to do justice to our 10 day trip to Israel in one blog post, even if it's long. We had a group of 20 people: 16 from our church in southern California, 1 from our "extended" church (our missionary) in Spain, 2 from northern California and 1 from Indiana. Our group contained people in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, and 80s. By the end of the trip (perhaps even sooner than that) we all felt like family.

For Andrew, this was his third time visiting Israel but first with his wife (we weren't married when we lived there in 2004, but we did start dating there) and church. He loved watching the rest of the group experience the "wow" moments so characteristic to a first trip to Israel. Actually, I loved that too. We also both really enjoyed being able to hold hands more since we weren't holding a child or two!

For me, the trip was confirmation that many of the things I learned when I lived in Israel haven't been lost completely, even after having two children! Actually, I thoroughly enjoyed the constant go-go-go pace and was very thankful at my husband's promptings to hike stairs to prepare. I was also thankful for some really excellent hiking boots and socks from my sister and her boyfriend. It made SUCH a difference to not have blisters on sore feet at the end of the day. I also loved being able to visit the moshav where we lived in 2004 and remember many of the "firsts" of our relationship.

If you're interested knowing in the places we actually visited, feel free to check out the blog we updated while in Israel. There are also pictures and a video or two you could watch.

The reason I haven't updated yet is because it turns out that returning from a trip 10 time zones away from your home is kind of challenging. Add to that a pre-schooler and a toddler that have been without Daddy & Mama for 11 days, a luncheon for 15 at our apartment, 3 weeks of jury duty (for Andrew), a flooded kitchen/dining room, a toilet overflowing all over the bathroom floor, Andrew officiating his first wedding (this Saturday), and Andrew finding out on Friday night that he needed to prepare a sermon for Sunday morning some time when he wasn't in his 9am-4pm Saturday class.... Andrew also is preparing for our church's annual business meeting in a week and finishing his semester. Welcome home!

Clearly I could go on more about the last paragraph, but I won't. If you're really interested, you can always email us :-)

Today was the first day since we returned that has felt "normal," whatever that means. It has proved to be a good day of reflection and remembering the goodness of the Lord, even in the midst of a busy schedule. I am overwhelmed with all the ways I have seen the Lord at work and feel incredibly blessed by my husband, children, family and church family. While I do want to go back to Israel, it's really good to be home.

Forgiven

As we prepare for our trip to Israel, it feels like there's just too much to do and not enough time to do it in. I keep trying to focus on the fact that in a few short weeks it'll all be done and we'll have some unforgettable memories to share. But today I'm reminded of forgiveness.

Lately I've had some really amazing conversations with some really amazing people in which God reminds me that I'm forgiven. I don't parent my children perfectly, my attitude towards my husband isn't always loving, my house isn't immaculately clean, dinner is often late (and sometimes doesn't taste that great), laundry waits until no one has clean underwear; I'm lazy, lacking self-control, a people-pleaser, impatient, prone to anger... the list goes on...

But at the very top of the list is "forgiven." Some days I like that it's there and other days I don't, but that doesn't change the fact that it's there: FORGIVEN.

On my nightstand sits a book titled Give them Grace: Dazzling Your Children with the Love of Jesus by Elyse Fitzpatrick and her daughter, Jessica Thompson. I've recommended a few books before on our blog, but I think EVERY Christian parent should read this book. I'm not even done with it, but have recommended it to several of my mom friends. It's convicting, yes, but has re-aligned my thinking not only in my parenting but in the rest of my life.

I want to be more willing to show my imperfections to other people, especially my husband and children. I want to be ready to ask forgiveness when I know I've sinned. Isn't that what the gospel is all about? We're sinners in need of a Savior. Our Savior is in the business of forgiving sinners who know that they are sinners in need of a Savior. No one has it all together, no matter how much it seems like they do. But when we sinners accept Jesus as Savior, it's not like all of a sudden we don't need grace anymore. We still need forgiveness. We are dependent on it.

Or at least we should be.

I wish I was this cool...

Or this cool...

But I'm pretty sure he is...

I love my family :-)

These Days

Today has been a hard day. I woke feeling out of it and needing to get out the door. Struggled to keep my heart in whatever it was I was doing. Felt frustrated, tired, annoyed, overwhelmed, like a failure. Didn't want to read my bible. Didn't want to pray. Didn't want to ask the Lord's help for my stinky attitude.

Now the girls are in bed and I "made it" through the day and am looking forward to going to bed soon.

I just had two weekends in a row of some really wonderful spiritual enrichment: our church's women's retreat and a conference with our high school girls. Both weekends provided me with opportunities to be reminded of God's work in and through me. He reminded me that He's got it under control and He wants me to trust Him.

But today? Uh. Fail.

Thinking of Psalm 51 (I know this is about David's sin with Bathsheeba, but how often do we grieve over "little" sins??)

"Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit" (vs. 9-12).

Today I'm reminded that I'm not home yet. But I so look forward to heaven.

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.' And he who was seated on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new.' Also he said, 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true'" (Revelation 21:3-5).

Until that day, I pray that on these days I'll get my bad attitude out of the way and let God use me for His glory.

Friday Night

Some times I start a blog post and don't really know what I'm going to end up writing about. I have a few things in my head that may end up in the post, but maybe not. Not sure if that's good or bad, but it usually means I can't give the post a title until the end. Which means that some times I publish the post without a title, realize (hopefully quickly) what I've done, and then re-publish with some title that is at least remotely related to the post. So. Now you know.

Yesterday the girls and I visited two playgrounds. Mainly I wanted to test out our new camera, but I did honestly want to get them outside for their own good. It was fun. The whole day was fun. Sure, there was a little whining, but it was less than normal. Alice even left the playgrounds without crying. Yes, playgroundS. She didn't cry when we left either one. Made me think I might be doing something right. Y'know that verse about pride going before a fall? "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall" Prov. 16:18. If you've never read that verse, there you go. Kinda felt like that today. Bummer.

Right now I'm posting while Alice finishes her dinner. She's been eating for an HOUR. Good news is that now she actually appears to be consistently eating rather than playing. Emma's just sitting in her chair happily watching Alice and playing with her tongue. Feels funny if you think about it. Can you imagine if you didn't know what your tongue felt like and then discovered it? Pretty amazing.

My new goal is to be in bed by 9PM every night. I may not be ready to fall asleep (though some nights I am for sure), but at least be in bed and asleep before 10PM. The goal being that I can wake before Emma and read my bible and exercise and maybe even SHOWER before she is out of bed. Hasn't happened yet, but I'm headed there. I can feel it.

Okay, Alice is "Done! Done! Done! Done!" so I'd better get going. Happy weekend!

p.s. For those non-Facebookers... Pictures HERE!

It's 2013

Most people have lots going on during December and we are no exception. This year we were able to visit my family on the East coast for almost two weeks. It feels like we've been going non-stop, but I've also had so much in my mind that actually writing it down seemed near impossible. I'm back to normal life these days, which reminded me that we have a blog!

Emma is ONE year old. I realize I'm a little late posting about this since her birthday was the 16th. Ten days. Not so bad. At her one year appointment on Monday she weighed a whopping 18.3 lbs, putting her in the 8th percentile. The pediatrician finally acknowledged that, yes, she's just petite. Believe it or not, he wasn't telling me anything new.

Alice and Emma have also begun taking simultaneous naps, meaning Emma's only doing one nap a day. I'm loving the time to read my bible without distraction and then simply enjoy the quiet. As of Sunday they've been napping in the same room, which was only successful for one day and then has been somewhat of a battle... until today! It didn't occur to me until today that maybe if Emma had already succumbed to her exhaustion when Alice got in her bed they wouldn't distract each other from falling asleep. Worked like a charm. Emma took way less time to fall asleep than normal, which meant Alice was tired enough after waiting for Emma to fall asleep that she got right in bed and fell asleep quickly. Love when parenting efforts "work."

Can't seem to decide lately which book to read, so I'm reading three at a time (four if you count the one Andrew & I are reading together). Today has been Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches by Rachel Jankovic. It's concise and often feels like someone just dumped a cup of ice water over my head. The chapter I just read is called "Watch Your Language." Here's a sample of what I mean about the ice water:

Another way in which we can do damage to ourselves is through the use of totally innocent words that we use to allow ourselves something. I remember thinking sometimes when the twins were little that I had better stop being overwhelmed... God gave me this to do. I may not be overwhelmed about it. I can try as hard as I can, and maybe fail sometimes. I can try as hard as I can and fall asleep at the dinner table. I can try as hard as I can and be completely burned out at the end of the day. But I may not be overwhelmed. Actually, I may be overwhelmed, but I may not say that I am overwhelmed! The words have a real power over us. If you say it, you allow it for yourself. You give yourself that little bit of room to say, "But I can't!"... Deciding not to say it is different than never actually being in over your head. But God loves a cheerful worker. I am still frequently in over my head. Actually, most of the time! But deciding not to wallow in that fact has removed one of the biggest obstacles to my work--my own calculations of how hard the job is.

I probably could have quoted the whole chapter. For any of you out there who are moms of little ones, this books is a MUST read. This chapter was a longer one, 5 pages, so it's easy to read a chapter in between diaper changing and reading a book to your toddler, for example :-)

And now that it's quiet around here (assuming I choose to block out the thumping music from next door), I will read my bible! Happy Saturday!