He Knows

"The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust." Psalm 103:8-14

This passage came to mind as I was thinking about the last several rough nights with Emma. Yesterday I felt like I was at the end of my rope and then last night Emma slept, ate, and slept again like a champ! I know sleep won't fix a bad attitude, but I'm pretty sure it gives me more patience. It also helps me to see and appreciate how the Lord is at work in our growing family--and in my own heart. He is merciful and gracious and compassionate and doesn't treat us as we "deserve." I don't "deserve" to have easy days raising these girls, but He gives them to me joyfully and lovingly. He also lovingly gives the hard days to me as He desires for me to be made more like His Son. No, that's not the first thing in my mind at the end of a hard day, but He is faithful to teach me and remind me. Praise the Lord!

Huh?

All I can think of to write, as I listen to Emma screaming from her swing (so mommy can get a break from the screaming in her ear), is that I'm sure this isn't going to last forever. I'm also totally jealous of women who have easy babies. So far I'm two for two on the other end of the spectrum. Unfortunately, Emma makes me seem like a liar unless you're here from now (sometimes earlier!) until about 11PM. At least, this has been the pattern for the past three nights and many others interspersed in the weeks beforehand. Praying tonight I could maybe be in bed by 10PM. At the rate she's going, that's looking like wishful thinking.

I did just read a blog post which a friend of mine linked to that was an excellent reminder. It's here if you'd like to check it out (particularly if your kids have been less than perfect lately).

But, Emma is still crying and seems to persist in keeping mommy and daddy from getting sleep in the evening hours.

I'm. So. Tired.

Lazy Saturday

Some February pictures here if you haven't already seen them on Facebook. Love this one of Emma.

We're having a lovely "lazy" Saturday, which means we don't have much planned for the day. We went on a family walk this morning. Andrew's been busy this afternoon reading for his class. Alice & Emma are just finishing their naps. I got to shower.

Awesome. Day.

Something in the Air...

Emma is in her bouncy seat, where she's been for almost two hours. Alice is in her crib, where she's been for almost an hour and a half. The difference? Alice is SCREAMING HER HEAD OFF and Emma is sleeping.

I just found myself wondering "Did God create screaming or is it a result of the fall?"

Plus Two

If you've been reading our blog since before kids, thank you! Also, you may (or may not) have noticed that as we've added kids, the blog name changed from "The Happy Couple" to "The Happy Couple +1" and now "The Happy Couple +2." Yes, we are now blessed with two little girls. Right now, I can honestly say they are a blessing, though there are certainly times when I lose sight of that.

Lately I've been realizing that I had NO idea what it would be like having two kids under two. While mine are certainly no more difficult (or easy) than many others that have experienced the same thing, it's stinking hard. Even on the "good" days, it's hard. On the "bad" days, it's REALLY hard. But God is faithful. I won't say I've always responded well in the midst of two screaming children and a month's worth of sleep deprivation under my belt; but I know the Lord is with me. Sometimes I just want to scream back at them and accomplish absolutely nothing. Yet there have been so many things that the Lord has provided to help me keep my sanity: my mom, my mom-in-law & dad-in-law, women at my church, good friends... baby gear where I can leave my baby safely while I step away from her wailing... But most importantly, and most wonderfully (second only to Jesus) the Lord has given me my husband. I am incredibly blessed to have a husband who patiently sacrifices himself and his desires to help his wife on days when she feels like she's lost it. Even if he has to stay up even later to finish a sermon or Hebrew homework, he'll help me get Alice to bed or hold Emma in a number of different positions to keep her calm so I can get a little break. Not only does he help with the girls, but he also helps keep our apartment clean when he can. He prays for me, encourages me, loves me, and seeks to follow Jesus' example in all he does. I know this makes him sound pretty amazing (which he is), but he's not perfect--just perfect for me.

But again I say, having two kids under two is hard. I can't imagine how women have multiples (twins, triplets?? HOLY COW!) or more than two that are very close in age. How do you make a phone call? How do you get dinner ready? How do you manage to clean the bathrooms or vacuum or dust? How do you grocery shop or run other errands? Right now those are ALL things that are falling by the wayside in my life and I just have two. Whenever they both sleep at the same time (rarely), the ONLY thing I want to do is sleep. I keep reminding myself that this stage will not last forever. Alice is learning to talk more, which will help tremendously. Eventually, I'm sure, Emma's wailing for hours and hours will go away. Things will settle down and we'll get a routine and I'll love being a mom of two girls that are so close in age. Right now I don't always love it and sometimes I think it'd be "easier" to get a job outside the home and let someone else go through these days other than me. But then I remember how badly I wanted to be home with Alice when I couldn't be. And God reminds me that THIS is a high calling--to raise these two little girls. I pray they will come to know Jesus as their Savior at a young age. I pray that they will follow Him faithfully throughout their lives and go where He leads. I pray that on the days when I want to throw something or scream that God would remind me that He's there, leading me as I seek to follow Him faithfully throughout my life. I pray that I don't look at this stage of life as something to "get through," but see each day and every breath as a gift from God and find joy in knowing He's using this to make me more like Jesus.

Propose-i-versary

Saturday was our Propose-i-versary. That's our made up word to celebrate the day I asked Amy to marry me (she said yes!). It also allows us to kind of celebrate Valentine's Day early and miss the insane rush to restaurants and their ilk three days later.

This year we left the girls with Amy's mom (thanks Mom!) and went to Demiceli's, an Italian restaurant in Anaheim. Armed with a coupon and a month's worth of sleep deprivation, we ate good Italian food, talked and enjoyed each other's presence. Then, we went to Stoddard park and walked around together. We avoided getting hit by the baseballs some guys were hitting and watched a bunch of little kids viciously attack a pinata. It was great!

I also shared the song "Dancing In the Minefields" by Andrew Peterson. I shared the video on facebook and said

"Six years ago yesterday, Amy Godwin Gilmore said 'yes!' This video doesn't get the specifics right, but it gets to the heart of our marriage. Yeah, 'I'll walk with you in the shadow lands.'"

I hope you also enjoy it!

Count Your Blessings

Emma is here. Actually, she's been here for three weeks today. It's gone by really fast, but at the same time I still wonder, "When will we sleep again?" I think all parents with new babies think this, so we are certainly no exception.

Normally we would have our community group Bible study meeting here in a little over an hour, but we cancelled it. Andrew started school last week and Alice & I are (still) sick. Needless to say, we could all use a bit of a break. Please pray for us! It's often hard to have a good attitude and remember that the Lord has a plan for all the challenges--especially when you haven't slept properly in quite a while.

I do want to say that I have a wonderful, patient, hard-working, self-sacrificing husband who challenges me every day with his diligence and love for the Lord and his wife and his two little girls. He's not perfect. He makes mistakes. He doesn't always say the "right" things, but he tries SO hard to love his sinful wife. I am blessed. I don't deserve him. Days like today are good days to remember how blessed I am.